i'm esther from spain but scouser at heart. i like music, books and people who have red cheeks.
Story Fragments #1
We sat on your bedroom floor and I watched as you cut off pieces of your perfect hair with ordinary scissors, even though I said I wish you wouldn’t. All the while you talked of how it felt like trimming memories of your old life, and things you felt like forgetting. I said that’s neat, but when you got in the shower I swept up those lost pieces of you into my pocket, because I was so scared I would find myself among them.
Afterward I lay on your bed with your hair in my pocket, feeling like an irrational idiot. But when you walked back in and looked at me, with shorter hair and dimmer eyes I knew I was right.
cut anyone and everyone out of your life that makes you feel small, hurt, humiliated, stupid, worthless, etc. do it swiftly and violently and without remorse.
I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, “Kiss me harder,” and “You’re a good person,” and, “You brighten my day.” I live my life as straight-forward as possible.
Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.
Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.
But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.
And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.
We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.
We never know when the bus is coming.